So, it is my understanding that you are partial to a good Mudkip (By Cherbui forum user weremidget)

(reprinted)
Mudkips. For centuries the tiny blue abominations of life have fed humans. In 400 B.C. the Romans were spit-roasting them. In the early 0800s the Chinese were pickling them. By the late 1600s, the Spanish had started gutting the creatures and filling their insides with candy.

The fluffy freak of nature is best at a young age before it has even begun developing it?s muddy ground-like taste. The price of a Mudkip in your local Supermarket is surprisingly misleading. In fact, Mudkip, along with Bidoof and Seaking; are among the most commonly found creatures in the world. It was estimated in late 2005 that for every Human that has ever existed, there are sixteen Mudkips currently alive. More recent research has concluded that by now that figure has most definitely grown.

This overpopulation has been met in many places with contempt, and many of our own race believe the Mudkip to be a pest and are working hard towards its eradication.

In one of the southernmost countries of the world, New Zealand, farmers deal with constant invasion from these flipper-flapping little ****ers and a range of techniques are being put to work up and down the countryside to rid their homes of the pest.

Copious amounts of Mudkip-hunting, Poisoning and Blissey whoring have not significantly affected Mudkip numbers; however, one form of eradication has: explosive mines

The mines are motion-sensitive and each contain roughly 450g of C4 or Plastic Explosives. Considering Mudkips most often travel in packs and rarely venture far from their nests, the explosions usually wipe out hundreds, sometimes thousands of Mudkips at a time, both killing the Mudkips and destroying their eggs, destroying any chance of future respites.

Now that you know perhaps an unnecessary amount about the food you?re going to cook, let?s have a look at our recipe for today:

Mudkip Surprise

Ingredients:

500g (1 Whole) Mudkip
350g Flavoured Stuffing
1 Pomeg Berry (Optional)
1 Cup Water
? Cup Milk
Instant Gravy Mixture
Pretty Herbs and Spices

Method:

First, shave clean the Mudkip and remove the fins. I find it easiest to do this outside. It is recommended to make funny patterns in the Mudkips fur as you shave it, like when you?re eating toast and you make symmetrical images with your bite marks.*

Once you have a clean shaven Mudkip, kill it. Any method is suitable as long as it?s not poisoning and it leaves a reasonable amount of the meat to be eaten. Gut the Mudkip and stuff it. Yes stuff it, don?t be so bloody immature and just do it.

You should by now have a shaven, dead and stuffed Mudkip. Throw that in the oven on fanbake at about 180?c and we?ll move on to the gravy.

Simply whisk together the water, milk and mixture for the gravy. Cooking is optional.

Note: Spare gravy, I?ve found, dries a pale yellow colour and very, very hard. With the correct treatment, it could be used for a multitude of tasks from cementing to counterfeit gem creation.

Watch your Mudkip in the oven, once it?s blackened completely and possibly smoldering, you know it?s cooked fully. Take the Mudkip out of the oven and leave to cool down/go out.

Place your Mudkip on a platter with the berry in it?s mouth and garnish with the pretty Herbs and Spices. The gravy makes a balanced addition to the meal.

Congratulations, you?ve successfully cooked your first Mudkip Surprise. So, what?s the big surprise? It tastes like shit.

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*This creates a casual mood which may be required after digestion.

Read this: Jason Sheehan

There are food writers that tell you what food tastes like. This is a losing game, in my mind, as food does not really lend itself to text. Read: crazy wine terminology.

So a lot of food writers turn to pretension, demonstrating their writing skills rather than talking about anything in particular.

Jason Sheehan, of the Seattle Weekly, goes so far into pretension he comes out the other side, into actual non-fiction literary essays that create a world of food and cooks and efficient waiters that is so magical I wish I lived in the world this man does. It's not that I can't visit the restaurants: I have, they are invariably good. But I don't possess the mantle of his experience, the weighty life of a career cook, or the cultured taste of a gourmand with a knowledge bordering on comprehensive.

To be honest, I wouldn't even care if he was talking about real places. Just to hear a man talk about something with such obvious and well-considered pleasure it an experience made of satisfaction.

Put in Your Mouth: Meat Pie!

It is delicious pie, in which there is meat. This one is a hamburger inside a pie. Tastes like McDonalds, but the material cost makes McDonalds look like your bourgeoisie oppressors. Fusion Trash Cuisine!

McBurgerPie

Need:
Pie Crust (or preprepared from grocery)
1lb hamburger
Seasoning Salt (4 parts Salt; 2 parts msg; 1 part Pepper; 1/4 part onion powder)
Pickle Chips
Ketchup
Mustard
Fresh or Dehydrated Onion, minced
American and/or Swiss Cheese Product
Optional Garnish: Fish shaped ethyl benzene

Equipment:
Fry Pan (cast iron is best)
Muffin Tin
Spatula

Directions:
Make pie crust, cut to fit muffin tins. Layer 1/2 slice American cheese, 1/2 slice Swiss cheese, a dollop of Ketchup and Mustard, 1 pickle chip, a few onion pieces. Pan fry 1/8th lb burger spiced with Seasoning Salt, dry on paper towel and allow to cool, add to pie layers, add either solid circle of pie crust and squish together edges or make lattice work top. Bake in 400 degree oven for 15 minutes, or until golden brown (apply egg wash if you enjoy dipping dandelions in gold). Let cool for 10 minutes, then enjoy.

Theory:
Pie crust makes for better leftovers, is easier to handle, and more simple to make than bread buns. Portable lunches. More satisfying than McDonalds. Easy ingredients. Pie is awesome. Ovening all the ingredients together melds the flavours in a way similar to a McDonalds heat lamp, making it especially appropriate for a warm pie. Reheats well. Eats cold alright.

Sources:
Site on McDonalds piracy, for great justice.

Pair with: Fries, Coke

Crunch Wrap Supreme Piracy arrr

From a /ck/ poster: Delectable Crunch Wrap Supreme, but without any "driving to a store and buying it." Plus: customization? Local/organic/made-entirely-of-rabbit? You decide!

Oh Hai.

I didn't see you there.

This is a blog! That's internet speak for web-log, net denziens. I hope you're ready for some rad internet cuisine. But it's not all bacon explosions and pizzas stacked on eachother. No, this is cultured internet cooking. Insomuch as a bunch of trolls and open-source nerds constitute a foodway.

So yeah. In the meantime, just look at this banana corndog. Just look at it.